Sometimes Ugly is Important
Last week I was browsing http://www.rochelleseltzer.com, a creativity coach, and I came across a sentence stem exercise that asked you to take the sentence: “Sometimes ugly is important because…” and write it several times filling in the blanks.
What came through was powerful and I wanted to share my insights here. Here are my first few answers:
- Sometimes ugly is important because pretty is a cover up so we don’t have to feel scared or insecure.
- Sometimes ugly is important because it takes us to the real heart and soul of who we are and what is important to us.
- Sometimes ugly is important so we can face and heal the parts we are running from. If I love myself in the ugly then I truly love myself.
- Sometimes ugly is important because it’s a gateway to the truth.
If I can only love myself when it’s pretty then I don’t really love myself. If I have to have a set of results to be ok then I’m not ok. If I love myself right now in my ugly then I can look closely and ask the question; what do I truly desire? (Not what will make me look good or rescue me from myself?)
What do I truly want to create from my core; from my guts? Guts are pretty ugly at first sight, but there is a whole intricate web of neurons and signals in there giving us messages about what directions to take and who we should or should not trust. Sometimes we have to go into the ugly, into the guts, to see all of who we are and what we truly desire to create.
Facebook and my inbox are littered with invitations to get pretty results. Promises like make 6 figures in 90 days, lose 10 pounds this weekend without working out, instantly attract your soul mate and the list goes on and on.
It occurs to me that we are using results as our new panacea, using them like the affirmation movement used affirmations, to cover up the ugly and uncomfortable. As long as I have money or look a certain way or have the right person on my arm then I don’t have to feel the longing or the insecurities that lie beneath the surface.
Don’t misunderstand, I like money, love and to feel strong in my body as much as the next guy, but it can’t ever replace the work of going in, of looking at what I might be trying to cover up by my pretty results.
If we don’t love our ugly then we are going to need a never ending stream of external results so that we don’t have to face those parts. And quite frankly, that is exhausting.
Four years ago I went through a dark process of looking at the parts of me I was never willing to face, that I’d covered up with all of my cool new age tools and happy thoughts. The universe wasn’t having it though; it knew what I didn’t. It was pushing me to see that my little diamonds were covered in shit. As I walked through this dark time, I had to face into the ugliest pieces of me in order to find the Gold hiding in all that shit. After more than 18 years of being a teacher and coach, I’m finally mining the deepest parts of my soul and understanding for the first time my true work in the world.
Sometimes ugly is important because that’s where the real gold is.